Yesterday morning when I was setting the trash out, it was sunny and 17 degrees, warm compared to our recent single-digit highs and subzero lows. I dragged my box down the driveway, focused on not wiping out on ice and ending up in a snow drift, so it took me a bit before I realized that the oaks and spruces, the sumac, my tiny maple tree we planted the summer we moved here--everything--shimmered in the sunlight against the blue sky, covered with a fine, fine glaze of frost. Freezing fog. It moves through some mornings in winter, gently icing over whatever it touches.
At the end of the driveway I left my trash and continued down the road. It's a hilly, winding country road, five or six houses on a three-mile loop, gravel in the summer, but now it's smooth snow pack with shoulder-high piles of plowed snow on either side. Usually I watch the ground when I walk, because I look for interesting rocks and pebbles, and I'm learning to spot different animal track, so I can tell who walked the road before me. But yesterday I stumbled along in wonder with my head tipped back, looking up at the trees, out at the landscape. Everything I saw glistened crystal against blue. A cow lowed, a field of unharvested corn shook-crackled in the breeze.
I ended up a mile away. To my right the Missouri snaked slate in the snow-white valley, running briskly, moving floes of ice downstream. Beyond the river farm land sprawled albescent, fog still working, a windbreak of trees flocked with ice, a silvery silo beyond. As I turned to come home, the wind picked up and my face was cold. I thought of Phoenix, of an outdoor table at the Duck on a 70-degree winter day. Then tiny pieces of ice broke from the trees tumbling above until the wind eased and they shimmered to the ground all around me.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Freezing Fog
Monday, December 21, 2009
Top of the Mountain?
So tomorrow I turn 50. Tom keeps telling me this is good, that my first 50 years I've been climbing the mountain and now I'm on top looking out at the world. Problem is, lately I feel like the mountain has crumbled beneath my feet. My parents are gone, which means my family is gone, since there were only the three of us. I walked away from my "career" of 25 years almost five years ago, and I still haven't figured out what to do next. We moved from Phoenix to Nebraska about 18 months ago, so my physical environment is even different.
I don't know what all this adds up to, if it even adds up to anything. I guess I just thought that by the time I made it this far, I'd feel like I had a little more to stand on. I mean, I have stuff to stand on, but it's all new. My old life has dissolved. Maybe that's good. Maybe some people even wish for that. Maybe I should appreciate it more.