So tomorrow I turn 50. Tom keeps telling me this is good, that my first 50 years I've been climbing the mountain and now I'm on top looking out at the world. Problem is, lately I feel like the mountain has crumbled beneath my feet. My parents are gone, which means my family is gone, since there were only the three of us. I walked away from my "career" of 25 years almost five years ago, and I still haven't figured out what to do next. We moved from Phoenix to Nebraska about 18 months ago, so my physical environment is even different.
I don't know what all this adds up to, if it even adds up to anything. I guess I just thought that by the time I made it this far, I'd feel like I had a little more to stand on. I mean, I have stuff to stand on, but it's all new. My old life has dissolved. Maybe that's good. Maybe some people even wish for that. Maybe I should appreciate it more.
